The World Turned Upside Down...

When I first created this page, I tried to write blogs on a regular basis and knew last year that there would be a gap, I had planned a break towards the end of 2023 as I have always struggled with Christmas time for various reasons. I had hoped to have resumed writing at the start of 2024 but then a series of events occured which meant my attention has been elsewhere.

So here we are January 2025, I have been trying to write this for several months already. I have gone from writing things in detail, to summarising the events. Neither of which I finished, but at the time reflecting back, I think I found it useful as I was processing things and trying to make sense of the events of 2024.

If someone was to ask me so how was your 2024? I opened with the line... '2024 has not gone as expected', which seemed to not only be a good opening line but also fairly explanatory. As the title suggests, a lot happened some I expected others I really did not. Some things are ongoing, which is uncomfortable and painful, others are events that have occured and I am still very much coming to terms with. Even as I write this I am still very much in the thick of having to do practical things before I can close various chapters and think about moving forward.

2024 felt like almost repeating the period where we had Covid-19, where every aspect of my life changed. It was 12 months of change and loss, with not a lot of time to process or to get used to things. I have spent time in places I would rather have not have been, doing things in some instances I would not want to wish on anyone.

What I have found the most frightening was that my mental health was declining before a lot of the events closer to home occured. This was actually a blessing in disguise, because it meant I was already getting additional support from an increase in my antidepressants and a referal to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), when the most painful and distressing events came to pass.

I am being deliberately vague in some areas, this is deliberate. I do not want to have to put trigger warnings all over this. Needless to say the biggest aspects that occured over the past year have been things like;

I nearly broke my spine when I fell off my horse in January 2023 - the doctor described it as injuring all of my muscles, doing as much damage as I could without breaking any bones. It is still not healed completely but I am pleased that I have started riding again, it has been a slot process but a rewarding one.

We had 5 bereavements as a family - most of them were animals, our two gerbils, Rocket & Groot, my soul cat, Tipsy at the old age of 21. My father in law and finally my uncle just before Christmas. The first 4 all occured within a four-week period. When you have multiple deaths and need to collect multiple sets of ashes, I am not surprised that I felt like I was just on autopilot.

I lost my full time job which was paid employment - I was not expecting it but given it occured right in the middle of the bereavements above, I suspect on reflection it was a blessing as I do not see how I would have coped juggling that and doing what needed to be done.

I became a formal carent - the word carent usually applies to adult children taking care of their elderly parents. Whilst, I have helped provide support to three parents with cancer and other aliments, this is the first time, I have been solely responsible for making decisions about the individual and on their behalf. Plus we are talking about Dementia, which was new to me and I had to do a lot of research and self-education to understand not only what I should be doing and how but also navigating the adult social care services. This has been the toughest job I have had to take on (I do it from a distance) but this is also time consuming and unpaid.

Some good things happened to, at times they were lost in the events listed above but they still occured and I am grateful for them;

Crewing as Co-Head Ref for Empire - I had been crewing Empire for 4 years or so and I agreed to take on the role as one of the Co-Heads for the Department. I was genuinely pleased to be asked and whilst the timing was not ideal, I really did not want the opportunity to pass me by and then for me to resent the other elements of my life. I am my own worst critic, so I felt I did not do a good job in my first 3 events. Others may have different opinions but I knew I was spinning a lot of plates out of the field, that will continue to be the case for the forseeable, but I will continue to do the best I can.

Volunteering with Help Animals UK - Once I was no longer in full time, paid employment. I decided to opt to volunteer for this charity, whose mission it is to support animal charities across the UK. I am passionate about animals and although I have only been doing it for about four months, I can already see how I have made directly, some improvements and it does give me a sense of purpose. If you want to check out my work, all you need to do is go to the website as I continue to update it as part of the role https://www.helpanimals.co.uk/

Simba & Marley - We survived as a household with no cat for only a couple of weeks, until these two boys came into our lives. I think Rich said it very well when he put his summary up in that, they are a 'regular source of joy in our lives'. It has not always been easy but being able to sit on the sofa, having them both cuddling up next to us (or in Simba's case) on Rich's chest has been a great comfort.

Marley (Black) and Simba (Ginger)

First tattoo - This was something that I wanted for a very long time. I had many ideas and had not decided to proceed numerous times. But once Tipsy passed away, it was a no brainer for me to have a copy of her paw tattooed on me. It also has a small portion of her ashes in and I love the fact, I feel like she not only goes everywhere I do but also accompaines me on my adventures. It was not as painful as I expected and I am planning more.

My first tattoo just after it was finished

Working with Athena - Whilst I fell off my horse, others did also and she seemed to loose confidence in herself and others. So we made the difficult decision to give her a break from being ridden, this in itself was a difficult decision, but the timing has meant I have been able to work with her on an individual basis and great progress has been made. So much so, that we were awarded the most improved trophy in our yard.

Athena and I being presented with the Willum trophy

Crocheting for Kindness - I may not have written many blogs, but I crocheted and my makes supported a lot of different charities by directly donating them to Cats Protection as well as others to featuring makes in auctions to raise funds. I also crocheted every day in November and a small group of supporters helped me to raise funds for Dementia UK.

Therapy - The advantage of being a carent is that you get the opportunities to connect with other carers. Not working full time has allowed me to connect with others locally through Hillingdon Mind, to share our stories and I have been introduced to 'Forest Therapy' allowing me to not only socialise but also enjoy outdoor spaces, some of which I have been familiar with and others which I have been introduced to. I returned to individual therapy in September which has also been valuable especially with the varied challenges I have as a carent as well as making sure I prioritise myself and my own care and development.

Forest Holidays - We took our first holiday since Covid. It was not far away, nor for a long time but having a cabin in the woods was a nice experience. Being surrounded by trees and being able to go out for a walk in the woods, literally on your doorstep did not get old. The weather was not great but it was good enough and it felt quite soothing to be able to go somewhere without any phone signal.

On reflection, I think its safe to say the first half was not good and things improved as the year went on. I feel more like myself at the end of the year than I did at the beginning, I have embraced who I am and tried to develop my passions despite the challenges I am facing. I am not going to even speculate about what 2025 holds, but I am grateful for what I have and the support I have around me.