Anxiety During Special Occasions

Samhain or Halloween as a lot of people know it, is one of my favourite times of year, however, almost straight after there are a number of other special occasions, which for a number of reasons make my anxiety worse. Some of these occasions include, but are not limited to are, Bonfire night (5th November), Rememberence Day (11th November), Diwali (12th November), Christmas (25th December) and New Years Eve (31st December).

Acknowledging that the title of this blog, suggests anxiety 'during' special occasions, the fact is, I experience anxiety, not only 'during' but prior, during and post each of these events. I should point out that it is not always to do with the special occasion itself, but more the events or expectations around it. Anxiety like this can often mislead our friends and family into thinking that we are a 'grinch' or 'scrooge' for not liking these occasions, however, the constant reminding of these events coming up and our expectations to take part only fuels our anxiety further.

Why do we get anxiety during special occasions?

Whether we believe it or not there is always a feel that we have a societal expectation to take part and to be 'on top of things', meaning we put pressure on ourselves in a number of ways;

• Facilitating activities/hosting friends and family - we tend to put additional pressure on ourselves to make sure everything is as expected. I know I certainly want to make sure things are planned in advance, the house is clean, the usual traditions are in place such as decorations, food and gifts as well as making sure I am being considerate to cater for people's needs.

• Socialising - many special occasions involve large organised events, which not only means a lot of people in one place, but they occur around the same time and day. I personally have experienced being invites to a number of social events, unable to make them all or overcommitting to try and keep everyone happy and be unable to make them all meaning we have to choose which ones we commit to. I have also experienced the opposite where I have not been invited to events or cancelling due to not having the energy and then seeing others having a good time on social media and beating myself up for not making more of an effort or telling myelf noone wanted to spend time with me - this is a lose/lose situation.

• Disruption to normal services travel/post - occasions can cause delay and disruption to services like travel and post. Knowing I have to travel to parties or events when everyone is doing the same seems to cause more anxiety. Presents not arriving on time, being delayed or delivered to an incorrect address or arriving damaged, causes me a lot of anxiety.

• Present/Gift buying - causes a lot of anxiety especially when people do not know what to buy and where to get things from. I find it hard when recepients are 'difficult' to buy for because they are either not helpful in terms of suggestions for presents or if they seem to have everything they may want, it can take a lot of time/effort to be creative.

• Cost/availability - it is always impressive of how much certain items cost and different times of the year, turkey, yorkshire puddings and other such foods can be not only more expensive but in short supply just before Christmas, making it stressful if you have failed to plan in advance. I am always anxious about the fact that I have dietary requirements, meaning, it can be more expensive to cater for me and when people are planning events I feel like I make it harder logistically.

• Safety/Welfare for our animals - Fireworks and other such displays which can occur during special events can often cause anxiety for our animals. I have a cat whom does not seem phased, however, I also have horses who live outside 24/7 and they can often be stressed if firework dispays go on near them, they can cause injury to themselves, other horses, humans as well as damage to property.

How can you help people with this type of anxiety?

Understanding what is making them anxious about the event. Depending on which of the above is causing the anxiety means you can support in different ways. There are some relatively easy things you can do a lot of them are very simple but can make a big difference;

• Facilitating activities/hosting friends and family - offer to help, whether this be supporting with the organising, being on hand at the time to bring extra items or help to set up or clean prior or post the event.

• Socialising - many will have coping mechanisms this may be to spend time alone, or do something that distracts them. If they are overcommitting themselves, look to offer accomodating solutions or reassurance that if they have to choose you are fine with them not attending 'your' event will be a big relief.

• Disruption to normal services travel/post - giving people deadlines with some 'wiggle' room or prompts to consider the disruption can be useful.

• Present/Gift buying - giving suggestions for what to buy, preferences of colours or items, equally you can provide ideas like a wish list, or show them a retailer you like. It will help the buyer as well as the reciepient.

• Cost/availability - setting a budget of what to spend on gifts, food, or even asking for contributions can sometimes help. Setting expectations that you may not have a completely 'traditional' celebration, can also help to avoid disappointment.

• Safety/Welfare for our animals - If your going to organise a display and know there are pet owners around or fields with horses and livestock consider giving them notice of when your looking to arrange the event. Advance warning can often help with making preparations as much as we can to avoid undue stress or harm.

These are just some of the things that can cause anxiety for people like me during special occasions, there are more which can affect our enjoyment of these holidays. I would ask that if you find someone not 'getting into the spirit' of the event to maybe have a think about what you can do to support them.