How does Counselling help?

Last month I finished a course of 121 counselling I had received and it made me want to write about the different styles of counselling and how they have helped me at different times. I actually started to piece together a timeline of what counselling I had and why but I abandoned that approach because honestly it felt like I was missing the point of the original question.

I have had a number of different counselling from 121 meetings with a counsellor both face to face and via telephone as well as sessions with a group of individuals and a counsellor and a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) course which involved in person weekly sessions with a group of others.

The reasons for me to attend counselling in my younger years was due to a bereavement in my family. In the beginning I did not really know what purpose it was achieving, but I remember a lot of tears and me describing how I felt and what I was going to miss about the person. It felt a little self-indulgent because I was not the only one going through the process, but it did give me space to process my own feelings and emotions with someone who was not grieving and that was very important.

Over the years as I've taken part in various different types of counselling, I wanted to describe how it has helped me;

• Dealing with the problem - I procrastinate, I think a lot of people do. When we are faced with something we find uncomfortable to deal with, we can put them in a box and try to forget about them. Often this can cause them to fester and lie unresolved until they seem much bigger to handle. Counselling can be dedicated time put aside to try and deal with the problem but not necessarily all at once, allowing it to be broken down into smaller parts and to be tackled in a more managable way.

• Preconceptions/Judgement - If the problem involves other people, chances are if you talk to someone in your support circle, like family, friends or co-workers they are likely to have a preconception of the people involved even an unconscious bias and that may influence the advice they give. A counsellor will look more logically at the situation and not have any preconceptions or judgement of people involved and with that comes emotional detachment and a logical way of approaching the problem.

• A tool to be used - Counselling and the process involved is a tool like any other such as meditation or going to the gym. Making it part of your routine gives you an outlet to process things but it does not stop there, the process happened before and after the sessions as well as during. I especially found this when I had something bothering me rather than letting it overshadow my entire time between sessions, I would put it in a box with the intention of opening the box and dealing during the session. In the past I have managed to leave a session and feel productive like having done a meditation or gym session.

• It's a partnership - You often get out what you put into it. Counsellors cannot take on the responsibility of helping you solve the problem or taking the uncomfortable emotions away. They can help you to overcome the problem or process your feelings allowing you to move forward. BUT this is important, you have to be willing to share the uncomfortable details, actions you might not be proud of and your thoughts however difficult this may seem. I remember once I spoke about disruptive thoughts and I was very worried about admitting having them, but when the counsellor told me it was actually normal, the relieve was a part of the healing process I needed.

• Hard work - Like anything else you might try to improve yourself such as exercise or change in routine and diet, it is hard work. You may discover things about yourself and others around you that you just did not realise. Some can be positive, others negative but the likelihood is that it will all be helpful for you in moving forward. I remember times when I did not look forward to sessions, particularly if I knew it was going to be physically and mentally draining, again though like a gym session, once it was over I was always glad I went and proud of the effort I had put in.

I think in conclusion, counselling is like a gym workout for the mind. There are a lot of similarities when you compare them. You seek advice from someone with experience, they show you the different equipment/tools that you can use to help depending on how you want to improve. They may need to help you with the first few sessions in applying the techniques to give you confidence. Then you end up going it alone applying things yourself. But the aim is overall improvement, the journey does not always go to plan, you have good and bad sessions but if you persevere you can achieve the goals you want.